I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
