it's not cheating when I paid for it
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize