Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
