she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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