I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
