I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
