if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
