and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have fence marks all over my body
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
