Your dad touched me again.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
