hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
