i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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