You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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