Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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