What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
