So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
