I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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