he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I AM VODKA MAN
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
