i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
