I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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