Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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