i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Your cock deserves a montage
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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