His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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