Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
