You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
