wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
