So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize