Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
