She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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