Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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