I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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