If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
