it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
