I looked at my own cervix.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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