it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize