My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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