My sheets look like a crime scene.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
