i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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