Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
