also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
