I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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