We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
