just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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