i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize