just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
