sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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