Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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