I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
