Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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