my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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