It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
