that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
