theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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