I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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