i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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