Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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