whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
