so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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