if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
