Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
