An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
