he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize