If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
