If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
